I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
