i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the day after is always just damage control
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
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