y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
