I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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