Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
