It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it's great music for shaving your balls
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
