I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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