I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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