i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
