you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
