bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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