Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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