you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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