is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
