guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
