In the future we'll all be gay
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
