At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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