Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
