Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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