please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
