now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
