FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
