we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
