I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
this boner is exhausting
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
