Im at strip club and am horny
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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