Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she was so not down for the gang bang
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Randomize
