we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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