Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
