why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
