I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
