Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
