I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
