And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
