That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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