She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
