do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
