No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
