and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
