haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
