That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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