Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
