so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
