It's Friday. Sex?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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