Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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