Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this boner is exhausting
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
