U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
