He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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