I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
