I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
