If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
